So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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