Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
