The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
