I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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