why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
