if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
