WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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