You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
