Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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