so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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