so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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