He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
