you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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