My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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