Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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