I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
