He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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