I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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