my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize