did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just threw up on my dentist
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
