good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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