Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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