opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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