I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
