I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
