Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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