I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
