I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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