i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
