i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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