I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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