I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
