It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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