Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
