I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
