Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
