I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
