4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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