I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
