Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
