Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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