some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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