mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
