Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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