its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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