so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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