Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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