Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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