I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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