Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
