NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
