Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
