life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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