Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
did you just send me my own nude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
