Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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