got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Too much gin, very little bucket
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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