they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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