I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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