I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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