Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
