this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
