Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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