Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
